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Thursday, December 20, 2012

First Impressions

Mr. Know It All, well ya think you know it all, but ya don't know a thing at all. Ain't it something y'all when somebody tells you something 'bout you. Think that they know you more than you do, so you take it down another pill to swallow. - Kelly Clarkson

So, first impressions. I've been thinking a lot about this. The old adage is "you only have one chance to make a first impression" but I don't know if that is 100% true. In my case, I make a different impression, if you will, depending on what is going on in my life.

In business? I make my business impression. Want to talk hotels? ADR? RevPAR? OTAs? I can do that in my sleep. I've been doing the hotel thing since I was 20. So my business impression, that's one. Online? Don't even think my full personality EVER gets out there in social media. I pick and choose what to put out there, of who I am. I censor some things (don't we all?) based on who my audience is. Did we meet online? Via Social media? Dating site? (ugh!) TRUST that you don't know all of me. You see the tiny parts of me I want you to see. It takes a lot for me to let someone close enough to know 100% of me. I would venture to say that there are a small handful of people that see every side of me, every impression. Did you know I'm actually REALLY shy in person? But ... only in a social setting. It takes me a little while to warm up in person. In business, in person? Hah! I'm on my game, always. Somewhere is my office is my Meyers-Briggs assessment. I'm an introvert. Shocking to most that have taken the time to get to know me. I forget all the letters, but it's me, to a "T". I can flirt with the best of them - but put me on a 1st date and I am the most nervous person you've ever met. In fact, I abhor 1st dates. Did you know I was in a long relationship that we ended - a month before our wedding? Did you know that relationship flipped my life in the mid-west upside down and was the catalyst to "She's Checking Out"? Probably not.

My point is, we think we know people. We see their lives unfold so much on social media, that we REALLY think we know them, but we don't. We know what they are willing to show. Impressions, but not the whole picture. I recently came into contact with someone who has 100% judged me COMPLETELY wrong. They couldn't be more wrong if they tried - b/c they only saw that small sliver that I was showing them AT THAT MOMENT, but it was enough for them to make a snap choice and decide I was someone...different then I am. Sure we banter now and then, but it really pisses me off that a quick, online interaction, was enough for them to judge. And funny enough, they hate being judged.

But we all do it, don't we? We all judge? We judge the person who makes a weird, out there comment. We judge the bat-shit crazy (ok, I judged!) lady in front of us at the grocery store, or the guy on our ass while we're driving. Most of the time, we never know the whole picture.

My goal for 2013 is to stop making such snap 1st impressions, and take a step back and try to let a 2nd and 3rd impression sink in. I hope you all will too. Life is too short!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Messing Up

I was chatting (oh hell, I am still, while writing) with an old, but dear friend today. She asked how things were going (workout/weight-wise) and I laughed out loud in my office. Going? They are going no where, quickly. I hurt my back a few months ago and while I'm feeling SOOOO much better, I'm still being careful and a little protective. I have holidays in Vermont coming up too and honestly, I don't want to start a new routine and not be able to get into it while in VT. January will be trying as well as I will be spending a week in Dallas for work - and that's always disruptive, tiring, and there's not a lot of time for the gym.

I've been doing a 30 day squat challenge (HELLO 70 today!), and feeling good, but I miss the hard workouts, the ones that left me sore for the next few days. I'm not taking very good care of myself. I'm getting by each day. Work is stressful and that falls into life. I'm making really awesome excuses for why I'm not at the gym daily. Oh, ok ok... some days, I don't EVEN make an excuse. I just don't go. I've put on almost 30lbs that I lost. SICKENING. (and yes, that's probably the 1st time I've publicly admitted it)

We all mess up. I mess up ...daily. Work, life, working out, sleeping. How you rebound from it is what matters. It might be a momentary mess up, or, like me, a few MONTH mess up. I'm going to get back on the proverbial horse in the new year and do things right. Planning meals, stocking up the kitchen with GOOD things, having RTD protein drinks avail when I'm sick of making my own.

For me, I have to go back to not finding or USING excuses. I have to find my own inspiration, within, and I have to take care of myself again. My friend asked me if I blog when I'm messing up. Hahahha. No. Or I do, but it's about something else. So, I'm also vowing to admit/blog when I'm messing up. I find I don't blog as much when I feel crappy - but this will be a way to be more accountable.

And, on a happier note... I'm working on a new design and new "take" on my blog. Yes, I'll still be blogging about working out/losing weight, but I'm going to write about life. Because my life is WAY more then just those two things. Check back soon for updates!!!

Sunday, December 2, 2012

My choices, my thoughts

In my last blog, I talked a little about what 2013 is going to bring to my life, hopefully a child of my own. Foster adoption and adoption are at the forefront of my mind.

I have worked for a lot of years to get ahead in my life and my career. I've sacrificed family and relationships to be stable enough to have a child, be it naturally or, the more likely, adoption. I know there's a lot of people wondering "why not natural?". So many reasons. One, pregnancy, childbirth, the whole thing? It does nothing for me. In fact, the idea is pretty unappealing. Sleepless nights, diapers, even if I wasn't going to be a single mom, they really don't do much for me either. Will I miss first steps? Rolling over? Teething? More then likely if I go the Foster Adoption route, but there will be other firsts as a parent. And I am ok with that, you might not be, but I am, and that's MY choice.

I can be controversial at times (if you know me, I'm sure you're shocked beyond belief). I am reading over pages and blogs and requirements to be an adoptive parent and a foster parent. Home visits, background checks, a true vetting process. HOWEVER, I know people who likely weren't qualified to be parents in the first place popping out #2, #3, #4 ...and on. NOT one of them has to go through ANY of the processes that I will. NOT one of them gives any regard to how crappy (and let us face facts, if you knew the stories, you'd agree) their parenting skills are. I will likely, in the foster route, have to go to parenting classes and all sorts of classes. No other parents are required to do this. Even those getting welfare, and more welfare for the kids the pop out. I have yet to figure out, and I'm sure I always will wonder, how on EARTH at this point in my life, on the back side of my 30's, ready to be a parent... do I have to move heaven and earth to get a child (not give birth to), but someone already on welfare, not fit to be a parent to the children they already have... is praised, given the world ...and more welfare. I'm rather over hearing "children are a blessing from God". Not because I don't believe it, I do believe children are a blessing. I also believe in birth control and KNOWING when you should be using it. If you can't afford the kids you already have, or if you can't be a good parent, condoms are free. Planned Parenthood gives out free birth control. USE THAT SHIT.

Anyway. I'm excited, nervous and a little scared about this adventure. I wonder if they'll "take" me b/c I am going to be a single mom. (but hey, if I quit my job and pop out a kid as a single mom... I'll be golden AND I'd get some $$$). I'm nervous about just BEING a parent. I have amazing parents, grandparents and friend-parents (and goodness, I have the most amazing friends that are parents to look up to and turn to for advice). But it's different. It's a little (lot) nerve-wracking. I am choosing to pick a child that someone decided they could not raise, or they were taken away because their parents were no longer fit.

I'm rambling, so many thoughts in my head. So so many.