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Thursday, June 30, 2011

(wo)Man in the Mirror....part 2 (Or ... 1 year progress!)

(wo)Man In the Mirror

"Man In The Mirror" - Michael Jackson
I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life. It's gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference, gonna make it right... I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to changes his ways. And no message could have been any clearer.... 

This song was my first blog song. I have thought about this blog, probably since the first time I blogged. My 1 year review. How far would I come? How would I look? Who would I be? (Silly, wouldn't I be...me?) And then when that 1 year hit, I found myself at a loss for words. I knew I needed to post pics, but that was daunting (and still is, even as I type this). The pics are easy. I have them handy, and I don't mind showing them. (Yet, here I am, still nervous about posting them....), but the answers to the questions, the thoughts, that's harder. 

So for now. The pictures. 

Before. 1 year ago. June 2010. 

During. Mid-May 2011. 

Both pics were taken in a mirror, ironically. But that's 75lbs gone. Seventy.Five. (Yeah, it still shocks me!) 

I'm doing it. I'm making the change to the (wo)man in the mirror. Most days I don't see it, some days I reallllly see it, and the rest of the days, I'm thankful for those that DO see it and remind me of it. I'm forever grateful to Billy & Lisa at Face The Pain. Words of thanks can't ever express my gratitude, I just hope the "doing" helps! 

"I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life. It's gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference....gonna make it right....I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways. No message could have been any clearer.....if you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and make the change" 

Monday, May 23, 2011

Let It Go

Let It Go - Zac Brown Band
You keep your heart above your head and you eyes wide open so this world can't find a way to leave you cold. And know you're not the only ship out on the ocean. Save your strength for things that you can change. Forgive the ones you can't. You gotta let 'em go

So it's almost been a year since I embarked on this journey. New state, new life, new outlook. I just read through all my old posts, and I'm debating archiving them, or maybe starting over. Not because I don't like what's there, but because well, that's not me anymore. Parts of it are, but so much isn't. I still struggle with some of the same demons & haunts, but I realize that's just not me anymore, and it's time to let it go.

So much has changed. I sometimes struggle to figure out exactly what's stayed the same. I'm still enjoying the changes, and looking forward for the many many that will be coming soon, and those that may take a bit longer.

I'm drafting my "year in review" blog - complete with "before" and "during" pics. HUGE step for me. (No idea why....). Today I asked Mr. Pain for 75lbs to have "on" me - because I wanted to remember what it felt like. I squatted 75lbs (but uh, well, I squat more than that usually....), and that wasn't working. He handed me a 75lb dumbbell and told me to walk the length of the gym. NOW I remember. I told him he can keep it ...and take some more with him. Hell.yeah.

So game on for year 2. More changes, and hopefully some more of the same!

Save your strength for the things you can't change, forgive the ones you can't - you gotta let em go.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Little Miss

Little miss do your best. Little miss never rest. Little miss I'll make more anytime that it runs out. Little miss you'll go far. Little miss hide your scars. Little miss you're so much more than you like to talk about. Its ok, its alright, it'll be ok again. Yeah sometimes you gotta lose till you win. (Sugarland - I'm Ok)

This is my theme song in so many ways. I find myself placed in the boxes people expect & want me to be in lately and I'm starting to realize, as the song says, I'm so much more than I like to talk about. I'm not perfect. This journey is as much journey as it is a battle, but I'm blessed to have amazing people in my life who support it, and never judge. With that, I realize that those that are judging, just aren't worth it.

I have a great blog brewing...but for now, this will have to do.

Oh, and if you're keeping track.....75+ pounds. Judge that, is all I can say.

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Tuesday, April 26, 2011


In the midst of a crazy busy day, just back from 5 days off, and 2.5 weeks with the fam in town, I feel like the word of the day is GRATITUDE.

I'm beyond grateful for the amazing women in my life lately. There are so many days that I don't think I'd make it through, or make it through very well anyway, without the lovely women in my life! Even on the hardest, longest of days, I am forced to remember that it's really NOT all that bad. My lovely friend Sherri says "well all have our own bag of shit" - so true. Sometimes I get caught up thinking "it's not ALL that bad", because it isn't, but that doesn't mean for me, for that moment, it IS that bad.

But for today, for this moment, I'm going with gratitude. What are YOU grateful for?

And with that, more later... I have quite a few blog topics brewing. My friend Christa has me inspired to blog more - so hopefully I find some time this week!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

I Won't Back Down...

I Won't Back Down - Eminem & Pink
You can sound the alarm, you can call out your guards,  you can fence in your yard, you can pull all the cards, but I wont back down. Oh no I wont back down. 

It's been a while... months actually, since I even really thought about this blog. Life seems to have gotten in the way. Life and work. Work has been ever stressful, and overwhelming most times. Like everything, it will get easier, but it still isn't slowing down yet. Some days, I wonder how and when it's going to all get done. Actually, that's most days. There's a consistent though, in my days, besides work and the stress that comes along, and that's the gym. I realized though that lately, while I'm there 5 days a week (and that's GREAT), I'm still just maintaining, and a lot of times just going through the motions. It's getting harder, and I'm pushing boundaries, but it still feels like going through the motions. So the other day, I decided I needed to get my head back in the game, relax, retreat, and get back to basics. I took a long weekend to do a lot of nothing but what I wanted, and some organizing around the house. The last 2 days have been so nice. Today, especially. I decided it's back to Couch to 5k (C25K) training, running/walking daily, and when I'm at the gym, I'm AT the  gym, in body AND mind. I know what to do, how to do it, and what not to do, I just have to put it all back in place. No more stress eating, no more letting work get the better of me. Balance is where it's at. Looking ahead, I'm not 100% sure how I'm going to accomplish it all while not being overwhelmed, but I'll try!

I also need to make a commitment to continue to update this blog, as it helps keep me accountable. (Feel free to remind me when I haven't updated in a while!) I can't promise that I will update it daily, but I'll do my best. It's cathartic to write, and doesn't take so long, but at the end of the day, I generally don't want to touch my laptop. 

Today I spent most of my day on the beach - a gorgeous VB day by any spring standard (65, sunny, a bit breezy) - this morning with my 1st day back to C25K, (then a visit to the gym) and back later this afternoon to read and take another walk on the beach. I'm so blessed to live so close to the ocean. I've always loved the soothing sound of crashing waves. On Friday - in the middle of the afternoon when it all got to be too much - I escaped to the Pier for a few minutes of clarity. Helped so much! 

I'm looking forward to new spring recipes to try out - feel free to suggest anything you'd like, and I'll do my best to post some new ones I try. I'm dying to try roasted kale chips!! 

So here's to not backing down, a new day, a new attitude!