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Saturday, June 12, 2010

Red Light

"Red Light" - David Nail
So this is how it ends. This is where it all goes down. This is what "I don't love you" feels like. It ain't the middle of the night and it ain't even raining outside. It ain't exactly what I had in mind for goodbye; at a red light in the sunshine on a Sunday. Nothin' to say don't even try. Some are comin' home, some are leavin' town while my world's crashin' down. On a Sunday, in the sunshine, at a red light.

When I heard this song... I was stopped dead in my tracks in whatever I was doing. It was a Saturday. It was sunny. We were trying to decide if we were going to postpone the wedding in case my Mom had to have surgery. I flippantly, in frustration said something along the lines of "you're not being helpful, you probably don't even WANT this stupid wedding". Never in a million years did I think that I couldn't be more right. When I hear the song now, I'm still brought back to that day, but it's ok.

Think of how different it would be if you never met that one person that changed everything.

I read this the other day and it's been in my mind ever since. There are a few people that fit into the category. Certainly my ex, and that day. It all changed in a heartbeat. I didn't know how to get through the days. I started trying to get through hours and minutes. It got easier. Some days were better than others. Some weren't. I finally decided I wanted to start dating again... WOW! I had NO idea what I was in for. Not.at.all. I don't remember 1st dates being so... bad. I'd all but given up when I got a message from a guy. I replied, not paying much attention. It wasn't until the next day I realized that he was a bit younger than me. I liked the messgages so I figured "what the hell".

I have to add a bit to the story before I finish ... I had a convo with said guy last night - it went something like this:

Him: "What are you doing?"
Me: "writing a blog, you know, that thing you probably haven't and won't ever read"
Him: "I'm prolly in it"
Me: "Nope, did you want to be? Doesn't matter, you'll never read it"
Him: "Never know"
Me: "Oh I'm fairly certain"
Him: "You're wrong"
Me: "you're going to read it just to spite me now!"

Back to the story. I didn't know this guy who I was reluctantly meeting the night before Thanksgiving was going to end up being one of my very closest friends... I didn't know that he would end up driving from Omaha to VB with me... and I didn't ever fathom how so very alike we would be. I certainly didn't know he would be one of those people that I met that would change it all. (I'm sure when he's reading this out of spite... he may find out things he didn't know) I was reminded that good people, caring people, still exist. I was reminded that family values exist still. I was reminded that a good "country" boy... really ain't so bad. (It's actually pretty good!) I learned that my cat really DOES like (most) people. (Sorry Dad, but your really pissed her off!). (Lily hopped up in his lap the 1st time he was at my house and made herself very comfortable... traitor! She even would look at me like "oh it's just YOU" when I'd come through the front door and not up the stairs ...she was expecting him.) Most of all, I learned that it's ok to trust people again, and that it's ok to tear down the walls.

I won't say that our short journey so far has been easy. Remember I said we're scarily alike? We're not allowed to have bad days on the same day any more. It's messy when we do, and it's not at all pretty. I can be difficult (Shush Mom...!!!!!) - and he puts up with it - even when it's unfounded and I'm being "impossible" and he "doesn't get me". But I will say ... that I'm forever blessed that he's in my life (and like it or not, he's staying... and that's ME liking it or not... I'm pretty sure he's too stubborn to walk away), I'm forever blessed that unknowingly he changed a lot of things in my little world.

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