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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Love who you love...with all that you have

"Love Who you Love" - Rascall Flatts
Should have stolen every moment now there's a page with not enough on it where we belong. I guess I'll never understand it. Why do we take it all for granted until it's gone? Cause then it's gone. Love who you love with all that you have and don't waste the time that flies so fast. Love who you love, and say that you do. Hold on as tight as they'll let you. Love who you love.

There are a lot of days that I am frustrated, in a funk, "down", and sometimes a little bitter/angry, and it takes a harsh reminder that in reality, I have it really really good. I wonder what it will take to not have to have the harsh reminders pull me back to reality. And from today on, I'm striving to remember just how good I have it.

I'm so blessed with a truly amazing family. I grew up living next door to my Grandparents and Great Grandparents. I lived a short distance from my other Grandmother, and I saw them all frequently. I'm the 5th generation to grow up on our family "farm". I'm blessed with friends that are nothing short of wonderful & supportive. I have an amazing job that gave me the opportunity to work from home again, doing what I love with hotels that I have fun with. (Even though they are a constant source of frustration, I do love what I do!). I live 10 minutes from the beach, and I got to choose where I moved to for the job. I'm blessed and lucky and I really do have it good.

Yesterday's harsh wake up call was a message from a close friend in California. She lived with us for a while, and worked for me at 2 hotels. She was one of my best supervisors ever, and became a close friend. Since I moved her life has gone into a tailspin a time or two, and all I could do was stand on the other side and watch and wait for her to reach out to me. She lost a baby in January, her mom had cervical cancer this spring. Her life has never been easy. She grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. Her mom was 14 when she gave birth. She's seen things I could only have nightmares about. We couldn't have come from different worlds if we'd tried that hard, but somehow, we became amazing friends. I spent weekends with her family drinking, playing cards, bbqing and having a general good time. We chatted for a few minutes and she asked if I could give her a call, she had some news that she didn't think I'd want to hear via an IM. So I gave her a call, we chatted for a few minutes and she told me she was pregnant again. That in itself was scary for me, and her, as there's no guarantee she will be able to carry to term again. However the shocking news was that her mom had passed away a few weeks ago. After a few minor heartattacks, she passed away at home, in her daugthers arms, on her couch, exactly as she would have wanted it. She was 45. Brenda was the rock of her family. She told it like it was, but loved with all she had. She would have done anything for her family, and usually did. They accepted this small town white girl into their small town Mexican family like I was another daughter. I'm pretty sure there is nothing that they wouldn't have done for me, had I asked. Fiecely loyal...loving with all that they had.

I can't imagine losing my Mom right now, or ever. (Or my Dad). I don't know how I would get through the day every day... but I'm certainly reminded how lucky I am that I still have my parents, grandparents and friends.

I went to the gym shortly after my call with Amanda, popped on some angry music and hit the treadmill for 2 miles in 30ish minutes. I felt marginally better after, but drained. I came home and spent the evening chatting with LeeAnn and got into bed at 9p. (Granted I didn't go to sleep till 1a... ) I didn't eat dinner (bad), I didn't pass go, didn't collect $200. This morning I woke up feeling somewhat better, but still so sad for my friend, but so grateful and humbled. I'm living life starting today, taking nothing for granted.

Love who you love, and say that you do. Hold on as tight as they'll let you. Love who you love.

RIP Brenda Card ... thank you for the lessons you taught me ... and the $$ I won from you in cards. <3

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry you're going through some hard times, and I hope they get better. Call us if you need us. Love, Mom and Dad.