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Wednesday, June 9, 2010

I'm Alive

"I'm Alive" - Kenny Chesney & Dave Matthews
Stars are dancin' on the water here tonight, it's good for the soul when there's not a soul in sight. This motor's caught its wind and brought me back to life. Now I'm alive and well and today you know that's good enough for me.  Breathing in and out's a blessing can't you see. Today's the first day of the rest of my life. Now I'm alive and well. Yeah I'm alive and well.

I'm alive. And a little bit (lot) bat-shit insane. It was a pretty long day, I slept ok, but it was a long day. Emotional. For whatever reason I couldn't get the life I SHOULD be living right now (married... ) out of my head. I know that THIS is what was meant for me, but I couldn't shake it. My ex was all around me. From Pensacola on the news (Hi, Gulf Coast), to seeing 4 Escambia Country FLA license plates (Pensacola is in Escambia). We were going to get married on a beach in Pensacola - and now they are in danger of being cloesd. Anyway... I found myself getting angrier as the day went on - and looking forward to the gym. I knew tonight was cardio - and nothing more. Somewhere along the way, I decided I needed to set a goal, and challenge myself. What I didn't know, is that challenge was going to be bat-shit insane!

I got off the treadmill and was talking with Billy. He asked me how I was feeling etc. I told him good - and I had a goal - a HUGE goal - that I was ready to set for myself. While on the treadmill, I decided that since 35 is just around the corner (18ish months), I needed to go big... or go home. I decided to tell Billy I wanted to run a marathon for my 35th birthday. .................................................... Let me allow you to take that in. A marathon. In 18ish months. Me. A marathon. 26.2 miles. OF RUNNING. The words came out... and I'm pretty sure I was a deer in the headlights. Billy didn't miss a beat. 6 months... and I'll be running a 5k. Then we'll gradually go up from there. Let me go put that back into perspective. 3.1 miles. In 6ish month. I could walk that with no issues. But I'm running. RUNNING. You know, that thing I believe you should only do when being chased. Yeah.

I know this is going to be one of the hardest mental "games" ever. Maybe I need that. I hope I'm strong enough to do it. I guess I don't have a choice now.

Now I'm alive and well and today you know that's good enough for me. Breathing in and out's a blessing can't you see. Today's the first day of the rest of my life

1 comment:

  1. I love your blog. I think it's awesome that you've began running. I think that running is the only thing that keeps me sane. When I run I feel strong and alive. Next time you are in vermont, I'd love to run with you.
    You rock!!

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